AGAPE - I AM Arched

I love you, constantly, but only in secret. Because, I couldn't stand the public humiliation of my affections not being returned. So I settle to think of you, hurt for you, long for you, without the self-degradation of hoping for you. The pursuit of someone who you can not have, when love and care is what you presently require the most, will render the proudest of the mightiest null and void. Instead, I detox from the sound of your voice. I wean from the sight of your face; your full lips, round eyes and fiery features. Seldom do I reminisce of fonder times; talks of love, joint ventures and divinations of the cries of productivity. Ashe. But I stand a self-defensive Being with a memory that can not and will not withdraw. Predecessors reign as a reminder of what is all too common. A lack of sincerity, selfishness, unreasonableness, cowardice, lack of vision, but most importantly, irreverance has made me a Woman of skepticism. After twenty-eight years of Being, seven years of Motherhood and a year of Marriage that mirrored the emotional turmoil of relationships passed, I will not invest in the unmanifested. I held on, I hold on to all that I know to be true, solemn and benefitional. No man who wants me, truly wants me, could stand to be away from you.

You remind me of Chuck, Shango. You remind me of Larry, Shango. You remind me of Dontavius, Shango. You remind me of Reggie, Shango. Tell me the Truth of what you feel, what you're dying to hide from me, Oh Fiery God of the Heavens. You burn so gloriously, for what seems to be for the purposes of self-gratification only, and then set without fail. Where are you? Where are you going? Pick up. Pick up. Pick up. Lift up.

The moon couldn't deny you if She tried, Shango. Winged and ablaze, you are mine. Though, I will remain content being the only Being who knows. But lust for me this, was I not worshipful enough? Did I not pause from gazing at myself to see you and your warmth? Was my hand mirror not demoted from its necessity, waiting for you to praise what I do? Was my mouth not wide open for you? Did not drink from you? Did I not sing your praises and allow your current to move me, Oh Shango? Willingly, I submit. I submitted. But I can not respect you enough for you to respect yourself. Oh Shango, I AM not your bitch. You prefer the relations of dogs, who by nature require, and therefore seek, the Mastery of others. I do not bark, I do not sit when I am told, I do not lay down on order unless your intention is to please me. I will not fetch the news, it is yours to seek and read and learn and what man wants information that's been slobbered on by a lesser being?

I AM, all day, especially at night, I AM. I AM, when you have chosen to abdicate your responsibility due to self-bestowed inadequacy, I AM. When my constant words of encouragement, caresses of passion, bites of ardor and ecstacy go unheard and unprolific in your ears of immaturity, dependency and weakness,  I AM. I would grant you my hand mirror to aid you on your chosen journey of loneliness, wishing, though I AM SHE that grants them, that you see in you that which I do but, do you See, Oh Fiery God of the Heavens? I AM arched.

I laid there, in submission, agape, for him and him alone. "Shango..."

I AM Lyssa

| CXCVIII | 33,827 | IV

I want my child.

I want my Alyssa.

I want my child to know the power in her voice, in her laughter, in her desires, in her thoughts.

I want my child to look in the mirror and love her beautiful chocolate skin.

I want my daughter to know that boys are mean but trust and believe that girls are much meaner.

I want my baby to believe in magick, to know that She is magick, because said Disney We are!

I want my daughter to know what True Love is and it does not come from covering Her head, that restrictive path of death is Sin.

I want my daughter to know She is her Mother and her Mother is She.

I want and need My Alyssa to know that there is no Jehovah. She is God, She can do Anything, She is Everywhere and She knows Everything; so the word of the law Thelema.

I want her to fall in love with Herself first and only then will she be able to find the Love of the Man she truly deserves. He is not her Head nor is She is. They are One, they are none, they are perfect.

I want my child to exceed the accomplishments of her mother.

I want my child to drive and Hunt and reign, as her very blood compels her to do. Growl at the boys My Baby.

I want my child to feel the warmth of the Sun and realize her potential.

I want her to see the glow of the Moon and love her gentleness.

Dear baby, You are thy Master, not He, not even Me.

I want my child to know She is accompanied by the tens of thousands, the hundreds of thousands of Us who walked before her, who now walk beside her, Our Ancestors. You are a Descendant.

I need my baby to know her Mommy feels the pain of distance and separation.

I miss my child.

I need Alyssa to remember My Love and when She misses Mommy the most, to close her eyes and to call my name and Lula will make sure I answer.

I need my child to know that not a single soul on this planet or the next means more to me than she does.

Your Mommy sang to you, your Mommy dreamed and hoped and planned for you and still does.

I cried the very millisecond I saw you, Little One, and I cry as I type and long for you. Your Mother can not lie.

Remember who You are, My Daughter.

“Beauty and strength, leaping laughter, delicious languor (faith in Us), force and fire are of us.”

As so above baby, so below,

Your Mommy

She loved and she wrote. She wrote some more and she loved to write.

When You Peel the Onion

| CXCVI | 33,371 | II

                       

 "The Universe is the Practical Joke of the Fettered at the Expense of the Free”

F.P. laughed as he described the sorrowful reality that the majority of people prefer to wear chains, obey orders and move in fearful droves. Much like adolescent high school students, We free men and women are ridiculed for our distinct differences. We walk, speak and view ourselves and our abilities with a confidence that is as rare as our very existence. When those of Us who are born with the heroic wherewithal to know that the most unlikely means produce the best results, We are treated with a lack of respect. They scoff, spit, wanting to scrimmage, so sorrowful. He further explains their tiers.

“Those nearest to him wept, seeing… Sorrow. Those next to them laughed…”

Employing laws of power, Master Therion kept the hypersensitive closest to himself. There are those of us who can not help but to pity the fate of the fettered. It is a shame. Then those who are of the constitution to find humor in this reality most likely laugh at the weeping as well. The rankings continue down to those who were blind to the reason for either response but felt blessed enough to be present. Wisely, they laughed when He did. May we all be conscious enough to distinguish the Self from the Not.

“… in Himself He neither laughed nor wept.”

Who sorroweth are not of us. Beauty and strength… force and fire, are of us. (2:20)

As so above, so below,

The Huntress

She loved and she wrote. She wrote some more and she loved to write.

The Fallacy of Fucking Freely as it Correlates to Self-Esteem

| CXCIII | 

I swear with all my cosmic power, I AM not sleeping with my “husband” any longer. Why? Well, since I’ve elevated my consciousness and realized that I AM God, I also realized that he will not have such an awakening during this particular journey. Perhaps what energy he gets from me will manifest in a heightened existence for his reincarnated return. As for where we are now, in this place in which we perceive as time, his touch and kiss give me the sense of perverted violation. I feel as if giving him my temple for pleasure, completely refusing the option of procreation, would be the quickest means of tainting the pure energy I’ve spent the last eighteen months creating and manipulating. As a Scorpio, sex magick is the most powerful and natural for me. After all, we are the most powerful of the entire zodiac. So non-natives can only imagine how sensitive a self-realized and actualized God might feel laying with someone who is intentionally hateful, condescending, selfish and vehemently opposed to scientific illumination. As a result, the Universe has forced me to find my equal, becauscha sexual chemical marriage is never a matter to be taken lightly. I have resolved for the first time in my life to remain celibate until I encounter my complimentary practitioner of the magickal arts. Now, if my resolution comes off as pretentious and/or unwarranted, attempt to view it on the basis of Universal Law.

Deepak Chopra teaches that our bodies are a physical manifestation of our conscience’s sentiment. Everything, from how we look to how we feel, has a metaphysical source. Every action we take has an equal and opposite physical and metaphysical reaction. It is all a direct depiction of what we are manifesting. The same is especially true when we feel and act upon sexual excitement. Our bodies yearn to connect and create. As if that were not enough, being the dynamically spiritual vessels that we are, we attract, carry and travel with entities that most can not see. The nature of these entities and their direct affect on our lives is contingent upon our frequency or our emotions, and our train of thought. Needless to say, they are very much present when any sexual ritual, casual or formal, takes place. These entities not only mate with and through the vessels, they mate with one another. I speak from experience. During masturbation, when I intentionally channel particular hypersexual energies that leave me with an altered persona, my chakras wide open and my very being plunged in ecstasy, I find myself subject to scratches. Now, regardless of how enticing that may or may not sound, knowing my predicament, I should be doing a spiritual cleansing or spiritual bath before and perhaps even after I engage in sexual rituals, solitary or accompanied. But because I AM experienced in working with spirit and AM particularly intrigued in exploring the happenings, I have not begun conjuring or testing a remedy. Though, I will be sure to do so in the near future, as I hope to find the choice counterpart and will be sure to aid in their protection, if they so wish. When I complete the task, I will be sure to update the blog. Perhaps, I will discuss how the channeling is accomplished, but all to come in a later publication. I digress.

As a responsible occultist who has had her fair share of sexual liberation, understanding these esoteric truths gives me reasonable doubt when considering partnered sex of any nature. Any one looking to manage the energy in their space must first ask: Who is this person? What energy could their day to day activities, that remain mysterious during our casual encounters, bring to my body or to my mind? What emotional turmoil are they privately suffering with that could disrupt my hard-earned balance? Orgasm aside, how is their very presence, their conversation and even their thoughts about me affecting me? Yes, how someone views you and especially how they speak of you casts a spell on you as well. You can have the most intrinsically existential sex ever with the perfect noncommittal arrangement, part ways and how that person speaks of you will work on you much longer than will the orgasm they gave you. If this person does not respect your being and your body, then the energy that seeps from them can only be harmful. It is best for your long term happiness to highly scrutinize to whom you reveal your glory and bestow your blessing. Now, Men may feel that this doesn’t apply to them due to them not having a vagina. Oh, that’s only a chick thing. Well, due to you being void of a physical opening, you in turn struggle to open metaphysically. Those of a male manifestation who have had the benefit of opening to the Universe and tuning into their hidden feminine frequency and therefore have aggressively invested in their own power and blessings, you relate to the tenet and we can move forward.

Have you ever witnessed a socially adept individual whose sexual and material lifestyle spurs envy, eventually become depressed and even suicidal? Yet, the lone wolf “weirdo” who takes pleasures in the abstract, the spiritual, tends to hold a slice of ethereal bliss that the previous could never hope to obtain, while also being better lovers. Be not animal; refine thy rapture

I write this exposition from a place of pain. I have the worst memories of literally not being able to think straight because of what I allowed to take place on and inside of me from men who wished me misery. Negative energy, demons, jins, devils, all plant seeds of or give birth to emotional instability and disease. Nights of sitting alone in the middle of the living room floor screaming in hysteria still haunt me from the control I surrendered to the ill willed. Countless times of making countless phone calls ignoring the signs of my “relationships” energetic imbalance still embarrass me. Mind you, the sex was horrible most of the time, either too short and/or too quick and definitely uncreative. But I opened my heart and my mind to being with someone who never had any intention of seeing me happy with him or her. Instead, I was a receptacle for their low self-esteem. But when I found my ancestors and their presence made physical manifestation in my life, I was given the opportunity to elevate my consciousness and wake up to my state and to that of those the world over. As a freed woman, I chose to cherish what I have consciously crafted as my body and embrace the destiny I chose by being born on November 21^st, The Cusp of Revolution.

As so above, so below,

The Huntress

The Verdict of the Female Child

| CLXXXVI |

Occultists and metaphysicists alike debate our current place in the cosmic stream of time. One significant telltale is the unbridled lack of gratitude of Man. Like all beings, they crave and require love, beknown to them or not, and will do the most desperate and depraved of things to obtain it. After all, when they pillage they rape. Be them Black, White, Hispanic or Asian, there is an Age-old complex that they are worth more and capable of more than what they truly are. Their mothers, sisters, daughters, but especially their wives, Originators of Life itself, are casted as receptacles for their mismanaged emotional dilemma. Despite desperate attempts to heal and assist their male counterparts, Woman yields no result when desperately battling undeveloped interpersonal skills. Even when Man is of the highest of intellect and success, productive conversation is sacrificed for shouting fits of anger; spawning physical altercation, verbal abuse and when the opportunity presents itself, their established neglect turns abandonment. Their pack raised tenet that fear equates to respect manifests as disregard for their feminine Source. They raise their sons and their friends to believe that if the entity does not possess a penis its thoughts are worthless, if it has them at all. The mind of Woman is frozen and helpless in the provincial outlook of their male “superiors”. Man has spiritually surrendered to nothing, mastering only chronic masturbation. The danger being, when Self is your sole focal point, You deny Yourself the privilege and the responsibility of identifying with your evolutionary equal.

Unfortunately, though, when Woman makes a philosophical contribution to the conversation, if She is even perceived as present, He succumbs to instant bewilderment. “It spoke and it made a point far too logical for my manual stroke to soothe. What ever shall I do as the dominant figure the current Aeon? I know, hit it.”, with all ambiguity implied. The very presence of this unbalanced view in society is the very proof that the cosmic slate as yet to be wiped clean. Yet, how are we, as She, incapable?

When Swastikas were stitched, heads of households and even their regents sent overseas, the powers that be forced Woman to withdraw Her open hand and provide for both Herself and Her children. Upon return, though, He found the current ever changed. With gained self-esteem and a lessened need for monetary provision, Woman packaged respect along with Her criterium for love and companionship. A lack of such, is indicative of the measure of the particular entity. Thus, choose wisely.

Decades fast forwarded, Man remains unprepared to do more than what is no longer required by the Mother, two thirds of the Universal equation. Coupled with their general lack of desire to evolve passed what their forefathers deemed the norm, men now retaliate with heightened aggression. In order to accommodate the primordial and therefore merited egotisms, both sexes must relinquish the demand for indentured emotional slavery in exchange for metaphysical generosity. Seeing Self and serving that Self in the other person protects and preserves the ever so sensitive ego that would otherwise be catastrophically destructive.

As so above, so below,

The Huntress