Do You See It?

Do you see it? The means of carrying out this command or strong admonition is still elusive to me after twenty eight years of supposedly do so. For my record, and perhaps my record alone, I do so Black. I do so Woman. I do so Writer. I do so Lover. I do so Mother. I do so Lauren. But for the , life, of me I can't seem to grasp what it is I'm supposed to feel while doing so. Do I do so Happy? Do I do so Depressed? Do I do so Enraged? Do I do so Lost? Do I do so Found? Am I supposed to find contentment?  Do I do so Complacent? Am I supposed to continuously redefine its meaning and endlessly search for the newly placed target? Do I do so Overachieving or even, Ungrateful? Do you see it? I was once told to visualize, obsess and watch it unfold. But do I see it? Is it what I was trained to believe it is as portrayed by those professing to have it. Do I do so Mimickingly? What am I supposed to feel?  

Married to the Devil

Speak Master...

I've recently began studying the Mesmeric Revelation. During Poe's experiment, his sleep-waking subject reveals that our personal or individualized incarnations are mere portions of an unincorporate mind, an Universal Mind. Mr. V left me in existential meditation, one of my favorite pastimes. As I traveled through the snowcapped mountains of Denver, I pondered on what portion of what the more traditional call "God" could I, infact, be. My cultural roots conclude that I, Lauren Hunter, am a physical manifestation of Universal Love. Love. Those who are familiar with my work maybe inclined to agree but the sadomasochistic nature that tends to accompany the various forms of love making in which I self indulge can appear to be contradictory to my self professed and promoted purpose of incarnation.

Physical and Universal laws mandate opposites. Outside of such mandate, there is no means of making a distinction between manifestations. What is good if there is no bad? The status quo remains with Love and Hatred; though similar the two are not interchangeable with the aforementioned. I can not unconditionally choose, exercise or bestow love without first experiencing and conducting hatred and found the results to be short lived self gratification. While an entity like myself is capable of absolute destruction through the sentencing of a traitor or any sense of betrayal, the Love Making I exude is very clearly my reason for being.

With that said, it should be no surprise to my readers that I have a longing, no a fetish, no, more so of an emotional and sexual submission to the power of the villain, Hatred, The Devil. I glorify with watery offering the movie and television characters or portrayals of Hatred, as Dr. Hannibal Lector, Jafar, The Dark Knight's Joker and Once Upon a Time's Rumpelstiltskin. I find the unconventional, unfiltered and uninhibited psyche of the villainous Mastermind to be an unfailing disturbance to the slumber of my "Cave of Wonders". The Devil gives it the most pleasurable pounding pain. And, no, it is not because he offers a "walk on the wide side" or an uncontrolled element of danger. Rather, he uses his intelligence to prove his strength, capability, influence, mental freedom and overall power after being loving has left him uncared for, unsatisfied, hurt. "Is it really so?", said the Devil. Never Again! His experience with Love, prior to myself that is, had not affirmed his Being. So he rejects the notion of softness, blind faith, the illusion of justified submission and opts to constitute the fiery portion of the Universal Mind. He is Satan. He raises Hell and I am his consort. He reduces opposition to ashes and I wash them away. Only together can God truly swoon.